Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash
Most people would not know this about me, but I have an anger problem. It is not a loud, violent anger; in my family, we call it “the lava” – a slow, imperceptible quiet burn. Several years ago, I decided to do something about it. I now understand more of anger’s origins in my family story and what triggers it in my present life. I am working to change the future of my life and relationships. It is a difficult journey, and I still have a long way to go. So far, I have learned a few things.
Anger is a common human emotion. We all get angry. It has the potential to shape our lives in profound ways. While anger is ordinary, its destructive nature is undeniable.
We have all destroyed others or been destroyed by triggering an anger landmine. It hurts those closest to us the most. Anger can be relationally destructive. It often arises from a sense of injustice, betrayal, misunderstanding, or personal hurt. In its fiery grip, rationality and empathy get overshadowed, leading to impulsive actions, withdrawal, and hurtful words. Recognizing the destructive potential of anger is the first step toward transforming it.
What have you lost in your relationships when anger is left unchecked?
Anger also takes a toll on our bodies. The surge of negative emotions triggers physiological responses, including increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and compromised immune function. It puts our bodies in a state of flight, fight or freeze. Chronic anger can lead to various health issues, such as cardiovascular problems and mental health disorders. The physical consequences of anger highlight the urgency of developing healthier response patterns.
What are you feeling in your body as you read this?
Reflection and meditation skills are crucial to transform anger into wisdom, inner peace, and healthier relationships. Reflecting on our anger allows us to delve deeper into its root causes, uncovering underlying triggers and patterns. By gaining insight into our emotions, we become better equipped to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Meditation can cultivate mindfulness, emotional regulation, and empathy. It helps calm the mind, creating space for introspection and fostering a more kind and compassionate understanding of ourselves and others.
What has been your experience with taking time for reflection?
The ancient wisdom book of Proverbs says,
“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to [wisdom] will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.”
This wisdom highlights the importance of reflection and listening as essential components for transforming our anger into peace, health, and flourishing.
Recognizing the toll anger takes on our bodies, and the wounds it inflicts upon others prompts us to seek healthier ways of managing this powerful emotion. Reflection provides the gateway to wisdom, peace, and a life of joy and loving relationships.
Questions for Reflection or Discussion:
- Where does anger originate in your story?
- How does anger show up today in your life?
- What are your triggers and patterns related to anger?
- What have been some of the costs of your anger?
Look for my chapter-by-chapter outline of The Faces of Rage or other resources in Book Summaries on this site.
Steve Morgan
stevermorgan.com 
I truly respect you for sharing so honestly about your anger–I never in a million years would have guessed this about you. But I also appreciate the steps we can take to deal with a problem many of us may not want to own. Anger is subversive and insidious, and I think there are many more lava burners than we think. I think I vacillate between the lava burner and the quick reactive response that spews the lava everywhere. Saying that here makes me realize the volatile nature of anger in general.
Thanks, friend. Haha, I would never have guessed that about YOU, either. So we all keep learning and growing. You are right, though; owning it is the first step. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and engage.
Steve; I always so appreciate your fierce honesty and vulnerability in your writing. It’s so helpful for the rest of us as we examine how these issues emerge in our own lives. Thank you so much
Thanks Paul. Isolation and hiding often leads to shame which only adds another layer to the problem. Nothing good ever grows in the dark. I have found the GiANT tool “Know Yourself to Lead Yourself” to be very insightful and helpful in personal growth. It normalizes that we all have tendencies and triggers. I appreciate your encouragement and taking the time to read.
Link to blog on GiANT tool: https://stevermorgan.com/2021/07/20/know-yourself-to-lead-yourself/